Bitter and Sweet (2/2001)

Today has definitely been strange. A full circle of sorts. It all begins with (which by the way loads faster in IE than netscape). Anyway a week or two ago Jay proposed to me using Kozmo with a delivery of a dozen roses. Those of you who know us, also know that Jay proposed about a year ago while we were in Chicago. So there I was in the hallway with no clue why the cheery Kozmo delivery people were taking my picture and looking so excited. When I got back inside the apartment and sat down I realized why. I cannot explain why Jay decided to propose again, I think it was his way of saying "let's get hitched soon". The reality is that we can't afford a license and my parents have begged us to fit our wedding in between their jaunts between Gulf Shores Alabama and the Philippines. But that isn't the point of all of this. The day Jay sent the flowers, all sorts of interesting things happened to me.

I was just leaving the mall and feeling lucky. I was lucky because I had just answered a bunch of questions about frozen organic foods in a dark 6X6 room. Answering those questions made me 5 dollars. "So", you say? Well for a couple that was living off of credit and unable to pay bills, $5 was an instant win to me. Don't say it... I don't know how Jay paid for the flowers, I don't want to know. He obviously broke our agreement on conserving. So anyway, there I was walking towards Pete's Coffee for a much anticipated esspresso when I nearly walk into two men. "Got any spare change?" they asked, "No, I'm looking for some myself" I replied. This lead to them asking me if I was homeless and me sharing stories about how the forces of God are against me landing a bloody fucking job here etc... We walked together and talked. They told me about how they are homeless and looking for money. I told them about the mall and the questions. We smiled, exchanged names, shook hands then encouraged one another in our pursuits.

On my way out of Pete's Coffee, a man sitting in the corner with a salmon on his head and decorated with many other endearing charms caught my attention. He asked if I liked his salmon, I smiled and nodded. That was the begining of an hour long conversation that lead to stories of fish, recycling, writing, apathy, vitamins and the process of changing one's name. My new friend changed his name to Zepher Thereau Moore. Now THAT is a name.

As if that wasn't enough off of my 'normal' type of day, I returned home to see I had an email from the Director of Communications at She asked for my "ok", in order to do a story about the engagement. Today our story was placed on the kozmo website. Click for the Kozmo blurb about Jay and I.

As for tonight, Valentines night. Jay and I attended a local production of Vagina Monologues at Lewis and Clark College. It was wonderful and terribly funny. Stories of women never looking "down there", having angry vaginas, loving their vaginas and the best story of the night, the 'sex worker' and her accurate and uncanny performance of roughly 12 different classifications of moans. It was great. Jay and I talked about the show all the way home with such energy and freshness. That sort of feeling you get when you feel you have just discovered something mind expanding. I had that feeling carry over with me up until about 30 minutes ago.

Jay came into the office and asked me if I had been growling. (Not such a strange question when you know us *smirk). I was puzzled and replied 'no'. Then I sat down to write this story, well what was going to be a slightly different story, when my music was in between songs and I heard the moaning. I jumped up and ran out to tell Jay I had heard the growling. He stopped the VCR, I stopped my cd, and we heard it again, grrruuugh. Then as I was turning out the lights in order to see outside better, Jay says to me, "Oh I see him, there he is down in the flowers, he must be drunk". I strained to see and then saw the man, face down in the flower bed. I had no idea that when he stood to pee, shaking all over, I would recognize him. It was Donny, one of the homeless men I had not seen since that less than normal day. My stomach churned. I wanted to watch, but didn't want to watch as he struggled to remain standing. You know that predicament, when you are faced with something that you rather not be conscious of. He was completely sloshed and shaking all over. Jay got worried, "I hope he is going to be ok, I don't want to call the cops" he said. I started to feel sick because I know the man suffering down there and I was witness to it. I feel so sad to have seen Donny in that way.